I know I haven’t updated the blog this week, but I have not been neglecting my writing. Here’s a chunk from the beginning of some comic scripts I’ve been working on. The basic idea behind the story revolves around the questions “What if a person, in a world without super powers, woke up with a super power (say teleportation)? As far as he knows, he’s the only one. He’s not brave enough, or noble enough, to become a hero. He’s not ballsy enough, or evil enough, to be a villain.
So what does he do with his amazing ability? He carves out a business sized chunk of grey area all for himself.
EXPRESS – #1 : Heavy
PAGE ONE
PANEL 1 (UPPER LEFT QUARTER; HALF WIDE; SLIGHT COVERAGE PANEL 2)
Close-up on DEREK LOWE’s mouth against a sky background.
DEREK LOWE
I’m sorry Mr. Han, there simply isn’t anything I can do for you. Your package is too large for my service to handle. Worldwide Express has a hard limit of 20 kilograms on all shipments.
PANEL 2 (ABOVE CENTER QUARTER; FULL WIDE)
Wide DEREK LOWE (panel right) rising from a leather office chair. MR. HAN (panel left)rising behind a desk. Distance between LOWE and HAN and big windows to indicate large high office.
MR. HAN
I would like you to reconsider Mr. Lowe. It is vitally important that this item gets to Shanghai as quickly as possible. I will triple your regular fee.
DEREK LOWE(under breath)
Triple. (Sigh)
PANEL 3 (BELOW CENTER QUARTER;FULL WIDE)
HAN and LOWE now standing straight still at a distance.
DEREK LOWE
Mr. Han you drive a hard bargain. Very well, Worldwide will take your package to Shanghai. Do you have my manifest prepared?
PANEL 4 (LOWER LEFT QUARTER; 3/8 WIDE; PARTIAL COVERAGE PANEL 3)
Close-up MR. HAN handing over a manila envelope.
MR. HAN
May I ask about the photograph we were asked to include?
PANEL 5 (LOWER RIGHT QUARTER; 3/8 WIDE; PARTIAL COVERAGE PANEL 3)
Close-up DEREK LOWE’s mouth sly smile.
DEREK LOWE
We have learned over the years that when you work as quickly as we do it pays to have a visual reference.
CAPTION (GRACE)
Did he ask about the photo?
PAGE TWO
NOTE: “THE RULES” Listed on the blackboard:
No passengers. EVER.
Measure twice carry once.
Do not go back to Vladivostok.
Don’t try to carry more than 65LBs.
Code blue is for emergencies only.
Stop hitting on Grace when you drink.
Keep the guide on y[GRACE’s head]
Don’t listen to Ma[GRACE’s head]
PANEL 1 (UPPER THIRD ; FULL WIDE)
WAREHOUSE: INTERIOR – DAY The warehouse is wide and mostly empty with a handful of wooden shipping crates stacked in a corner. An old fashioned heavy bankers desk sits in front a row of lockers under a grimy window (3/4 Left). Next to the desk (Center) is a wheeled chalkboard with the heading “THE RULES”. DEREK LOWE sits at the desk with his feet up a glass of water in his hand. GRACE EVANS sits on a metal crate (right), arms folded, looking at LOWE.
DEREK LOWE
Of course he asked about the photo. They all ask. I gave him the one about “visual reference”.
GRACE EVANS
I like that one. It’s kind of like the truth.
PANEL 2 (QUARTER INSET BETWEEN PANEL 1 AND PANEL 3)
Dark background. Close-up on LOWE’s hands putting on leather gloves.
CAPTION (LOWE)
I’ll need a minute to prepare the package for transit. Close the doors behind you, and make sure no one comes in.
PANEL 3 (CENTER THIRD; FULL WIDE)
Dimly lit storeroom. YOUNG CHINESE BUSINESSMAN is silhouetted (right center) by the light through the opening of a pair of french style wooden office doors. DEREK LOWE stands (left) by a cart with a two foot tall three foot wide metal crate (identical to the one in the office) on a wheeled cart.
YOUNG CHINESE BUSINESSMAN
Sir?
DEREK LOWE (LINKED)
Our system uses a proprietary technology.
GRACE EVANS (CAPTION)
Please tell me you didn’t talk about “proprietary technology”.
DEREK LOWE (LINKED)
Which our competition would love to get their hands on. Part of the contract Mr. Han agreed to was that we be allowed to prepare the shipment in private to protect our intellectual property.
PANEL 4 (QUARTER INSET BETWEEN PANEL 3 AND PANEL 5)
Close-up of office doors just above handles as they close.
PANEL 5 (LOWER THIRD; FULL WIDE)
Dimly lit storeroom. DEREK LOWE takes a deep breath (left) by a cart with a two foot square metal crate on a wheeled cart. The french office doors are closed.
PAGE 3
PANEL 1 (UPPER QUARTER; FULL WIDE)
First person. LOWE’s gloved hands as he reaches for the door.
PANEL 2 (ABOVE CENTER QUARTER; FULL WIDE)
First person. LOWE’s gloved hands grasping the door handles.
PANEL 3 (BELOW CENTER QUARTER; FULL WIDE)
First person. LOWE’s gloved hands opening the door part way. Bright light hides what is on the other side.
PANEL 4 (LOWER QUARTER; FULL WIDE)
First person. LOWE’s gloved hands opening the door wider. Bright light hides what is on the other side.
PAGE 4
PANEL 1 (UPPER HALF; FULL WIDE)
French doors open all the way to reveal not the office hall, but the daytime WAREHOUSE. The desk and chalkboard are visible, but there is no metal crate. GRACE EVANS stands (3/4 left) hands on hips.
GRACE EVANS
I thought you weren’t going to take this job?
PANEL 2 (LOWER HALF; FULL WIDE)
Reverse shot. Interior WAREHOUSE a pair of wooden double doors set into a freestanding brick wall. Above the doors is a piece of plywood with a 5 stenciled on it with spray paint. Through the doors LOWE (right) and the crate are visible. LOWE is approaching the crate.
GRACE EVANS (O.P.)
What is that? Like, 75 pounds?
PAGE 5
PANEL 1 (UPPER QUARTER LEFT; 3/4 WIDE)
Interior storeroom LOWE bends down to pick up the crate.
PANEL 2 (UPPER QUARTER RIGHT; 1/4 WIDE)
Close-up of the strain on LOWE’s face.
PANEL 3 (TOP CENTER QUARTER LEFT; 1/2 WIDE)
LOWE standing and holding the crate hunched by the weight.
PANEL 4 (TOP CENTER QUARTER RIGHT; 1/2 WIDE)
LOWE shuffles toward the open double doors straining.
PANEL 5 (BOTTOM CENTER QUARTER LEFT; 1/4 WIDE)
Close-up of LOWE’s face straining. Teeth gritted.
DEREK LOWE
Grrrbge caam.
GRACE EVANS (O.P.)
What?
PANEL 6 (BOTTOM CENTER QUARTER RIGHT; 3/4 WIDE)
Interior warehouse. LOWE crosses threshold of the double doors; still straining.
DEREK LOWE
GRRRBGE CAAM!
PANEL 7 (LOWER QUARTER LEFT; 1/4 WIDE)
Close-up of the corner of the crate hitting the floor.
SFX
KHOOM!
PANEL 8 (LOWER QUARTER MIDDLE; 1/4 WIDE)
Close-up of a waste basket. LOWE’s ear and the back of his head are visible above the rim of the basket.
PANEL 9 (LOWER QUARTER MIDDLE; 1/4 WIDE)
Close-up GRACE’s hand filling a glass of water.
PANEL 10 (LOWER QUARTER RIGHT; 1/4 WIDE)
Close-up of LOWE’s backside slamming into a wooden desk chair.
DEREK LOWE (O.P.)
(WHUF)More like ninety.
PAGE 6
PANEL 1 (UPPER LEFT THIRD; 1/2 WIDE)
Close-up on LOWE sitting forward and placing the glass of water on the desk.
DEREK LOWE
O.K. That’s enough rest and small talk for now. I’ve got to get our precious cargo to Shanghai. Where did I set down the manifest?
PANEL 2 (UPPER RIGHT THIRD; 1/2 WIDE)
GRACE still sitting on the crate holding up the manila manifest envelope.
GRACE EVANS
I have it, and if you want to get it back we are going to talk about this. You cannot push yourself this hard. Holding those doors open is a huge strain on your body. Trying to move too fast or CARRY TOO MUCH is going to break you down, and WHO exactly do you expect to wash out the waste basket?
PANEL 3 (CENTER THIRD; FULL WIDE)
Wide WAREHOUSE, As before, Desk, blackboard, crates, et al. LOWE is standing with his hands on the desk. GRACE is still sitting defiantly on the metal crate holding up the envelope.
DEREK LOWE
I will wash out the waste basket WHEN I am done.
GRACE EVANS
And WHEN you throw up on the expensive looking floor of the Han Offices in Shanghai?
DEREK LOWE
I haven’t got anything left to lose right now. I know you worry…
GRACE EVANS (INTERRUPTING)
You’re damn right I worry, and not just about your health! You have asked me to steak my livelihood on the talents of one person. The principal role of my job is managing our assets, and you are currently this company’s only asset! I will not give up the biggest potential payday of both of our lives because you are too stubborn to follow the rules. As far as we know you are the only person in the world who can do what you do. The only one who can step through the doors, and that means you can not risk yourself like this. If not for the sake of your health; then for the sake of my money.
PANEL 4 (LOWER LEFT THIRD; 1/3 WIDE)
Close-up LOWE standing at the desk; hands still flat. Head down like a scolded child
DEREK LOWE
I know. I know that this is dangerous. You know full well that I know ALL about the dangers. I know that I am the only one who can carry the packages. That I’m the only one who can use the doors. That I am the only tool this company has to make our fortunes, but I am also the only one who knows whether or not I am O.K., and right now. I am O.K.
PANEL 5 (LOWER MIDDLE THIRD; 1/3 WIDE)
LOWE turns around and opens one of lockers behind him to reveal a grey jumpsuit and cap.
DEREK LOWE
Now. We don’t have much time. The people at Han Headquarters will be getting antsy. If you would please prep the manifest for me I’ve got to change.
PANEL 6 (LOWER LEFT THIRD; 1/3 WIDE)
Close up of GRACE’s hand as she lays a photograph of a brushed metal and glass door on the desk.
GRACE EVANS (O.P.)
It’s a glass single; metal trim. Typical corporate front look. Eleven should be perfect. I’ll grab the hand truck.
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