It’s been about a week since I last updated on how things are going on my medication there haven’t been any big new changes to report, but I had an encounter the other day that I think is reflective of the changes that I’m making.
I was picking up some pizza from Peppino’s (a local pizza place), and I was in a hurry to get home because I was on a lunch break. My phone was plugged into its car charger, and figuring that it wouldn’t take long to grab the pizza I left it in the car. I pop inside wait in line for maybe 45 seconds, and as I come up to the register the girl behind it says, “Carry out for Andrew , right?” This is neither a surprise or a problem. I am aware that I probably order pizza too often, and since this pizzeria is both near my house and better than the corporate options I am a carry-out regular. It’s what the girl said after she took my money that made my stomach clench and my mouth go dry, “No headphones today?”
What follows is a rough transcription of what went through my head in the second before I said, with a nervous chuckle “Nope, not today”: Here I am talking to a person who I see perhaps twice a month for upwards of six minutes at a time, and to her I am “That guy who’s always wearing headphones” so much so that she feels compelled to mention it when I don’t have them. I don’t know how to feel about it really. Is it a bad thing? Am I one step away from being “blue-tooth headset guy”? Am I worse than that? Is it ok that I have my headphones in while waiting for pizza, even though no one else does, because it is pretty boring? Was it like this when I was “that kid with a book”; reading and eating by myself at restaurants? Have I been shutting out the world? Have I been thinking about this too long? How do I respond? Ok, It’s not a big deal; just laugh it off.
I never really thought before about how my need for constant stimulation affected the way that people see me. Will that change? Should it change? Always new things to consider with a shifting brain. I’ll keep you updated on how it pans out.